I want to take you up on the invitation to express how I feel, which is very grim. As someone who listened in horror to the radio reports of President Kennedy’s murder I have hoped for a better world for a long time.
I tried to do my part to make it better, even getting my license as a doctor and working with folks to heal their pain and return their life to normal. Along the way I encountered betrayal after betrayal in both my personal life and in my professional life. Each time I picked myself up and moved on.
Slowly I began to understand that there was evil in our world. Fortunately not much in mine, but still its presence became clearer.
After learning that ‘soon’ the energies would lighten/brighten ‘should’ I recite the right prayer/incantation/mantra and ‘change’ my style of eating/drinking/living/acting/thinking then the good stuff, i.e., no wars, no tragedies, no taxes, no child abuse/slavery/torture, etc., would be ours.
This moment feels like one of the worst betrayals of all. After listening to one lovely ‘voice’ after another, each one saying “soon”, “should” and the best of the worse, “change” I am clear that there is no end to these cycles of promise and betrayal.
I was ready for the knowing and it has not shown up – again.
I am left with the grim awareness that, once again, I have to take a deep breath and practice putting one foot in front of the other until the dread and the pain become shadows trailing behind me, not next to me. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
But this time feels different. I’m not jumping off a bridge, shooting myself or quitting in any other way.
I am focusing on how to use all the stuff I’ve learned to move beyond this physical life/3D life.
“Hope, belief, and faith prove nothing.” (T.T.Braun, 2014 )